Tuesday, January 13, 2009

My Satnav has a split personality

We were getting sick of the reassuring yet boring voice that came with our TomTom, so my fella downloaded a new one over Christmas (recession not hitting us then - for once we're glad to be public sector).

Our new Satnav is Kim Catrall (Samantha from Sex in the City). My fella has a love-hate relationship with her.

We gave Samantha her first outing on the way to Manchester airport last week. Hilariously, she doesn't just give directions, she gives evaluations. So when we went onto the motorway she said "Take the motorway - Oh! You want to take things a bit faster do you?" And when we had reached our destination she said "You have reached your destination. Oh! Is there room in that back seat for two? Or three?" How naughty. Yet after we'd heard these delicious utterances twice, they became a bit stale.

Kim/Samantha was very much with us when we were in New York though. There was an advert playing almost continuously for some rent controlled apartments in less-fashionable Brooklyn, suggestively called Flatbush Gardens. We imagined the fun that Samantha would have with the name: "Oh honey, my bush has been fucked flat!!" And we decided that in the next Sex in the City film, the girls would all experience the full onslaught of the recession - Carrie's Big would jump out of their Central Park penthouse, having engaged in some dodgy short selling, and Carrie would be fired from the newspaper she writes for "We're cutting down on the non-essentials dear - and frankly, your column is just silly fluff that hardly anyone reads anyway..." The other girls would all find that their fortunes would be hit hard... Samantha's PR firm would go into liquidation because in a recession PR ceases to exist. So as a result, they would all have to move to a rent controlled apartment in Flatbush Gardens. Charlotte would discover a vicious side and become a drug overlord, Miranda would be reduced to masturbating old men through a hole in a wall for food, Samantha would become an agoraphobic old cat lady, and Carrie's little mind would just explode and she'd be in mass denial - walking around the streets of New York in a bin bag, thinking that she's still a fabulous, sexy newspaper columnist... If only...

Speaking of bizarre storylines - Doll Soup episode 2 is online.

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