Thursday, October 18, 2007

Trailer Trash

It's Rapture Time!

Don't you love Fundamentalist Christians? Mark VI Pictures created their own crazed "quadrilogy" of Rapture films. For those of you who aren't au fait with Rapture Theory - one day (any day now) God is going to Rapture Up all the believers to Heaven, leaving the unbelievers and evil people behind on earth to battle it out in a bloody nuclear mess - it's all the UN's fault apparently. The rationale behind the films was, if you can't get people to believe in God the easy way, then why not scare them into being Christians. Because I like weird stuff, I have all four films on video.

We start with "A Thief in the Night" where the Rapture actually happens. Foolish Patty had the chance to accept the word of God, but she didn't - and now she's been left behind while all her friends are partying up in Heaven. Patty doesn't do much except run around while being chased by helicopters and screaming "Noooooooooooooaaaaawwwwww! Noooooooaaaaawww!" Nobody in any of the Mark VI films can actually act, but the girl Patty can really scream. (Don't expect a happy ending for Patty - she gets decapitated by evil satanists at the beginning of the third film. Forget the Hostel and Saw films - if you want cruel, random and barbaric - it's the Christian directors you really need to turn to. Amid all the drama, the films have rather long and more tedious parts where boring pastors with unfashionable facial hair recite from scripture. My favourite characters (not shown in the trailer) are baddies, Diane and Jerry - it's pretty much their fault that Patty doesn't accept the Lord. I seem to recall that Diane gets killed by a giant crab or something in the 3rd or 4th film. You don't want to be Left Behind when the nuclear radiation starts messing with nature.

Anyway, here's the trailer. Sing it with me: "I wish we'd all been read...." (Sorry, couldn't finish, I just got Raptured Up.)


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