Sunday, March 11, 2007

Polyester is a sin

This has been around for about seven years now. But I never tire of reading it. I often come across homophobic websites like this one or this one and with a couple of alterations, the article below can be emailed on to them. I love the faux naiveity and polite tone. And I think it's so important to remind religious folk (even the nice ones) that parts of the Bible are so UTTERLY CRAZY that it brings the whole thing into disrepute. And once you start on selective interpretation, well - it's a slippery slope isn't it.

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

2 comments:

Trashbinder said...

It's interesting to note how the majority of fundamentalist Christians pick and choose what they perceive as relevant and no longer relevant passages of scripture. You never hear people lobbying their MP for the right to perform a sacrifice that's pleasing to the Lord, do you?

I was always told by Christians that you have to accept all of scripture or none of it, when I attended a local church youth group during my teenage years. When I left the group after a couple of years, I reminded the leaders of their 'all or nothing' approach, but they tried to argue it away by saying that man made fibres don't threaten the family unit like homosexuality does.

It seems a great shame that so many Christians claim to be motivated by love, yet can be some of the most hateful and intolerant individuals you could hope to meet.

Most of the Christians that I mixed with during that period in my youth claimed to be the most humble and subservient people around, yet kind of got off on thinking that they were better than everyone else because they were 'saved'.

I used to feel very angry about this period of my adolescence but now just feel total indifference and pity for such bigotry dressed up as morality.

FloppingDead said...

It seems a great shame that so many Christians claim to be motivated by love, yet can be some of the most hateful and intolerant individuals you could hope to meet.

Most of the Christians that I mixed with during that period in my youth claimed to be the most humble and subservient people around, yet kind of got off on thinking that they were better than everyone else because they were 'saved'.


I agree totally with that.