Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Getting to know Jamie4U

Jamie4U is a fake blog that I write. He's kind of distillation of everything that's wrong with gay culture. Vain, thick, spiteful and superficial, I'd hope it'd be obvious that he's not real, although with that said, almost all of the events and people that I write about at Jamie4U are based in reality. If my mother had not read to me every night as a child and drummed the 12 times table into me then I probably would have ended up just like him, rather than a little bit like him.

Someone left 14 comments on Jamie's blog this morning. They had started from the beginning and worked their way through each post. I suspect they're American from the choice of words they use. I also suspect that they didn't realise that Jamie4U isn't real. Although it's difficult to say, sometimes people "get" the joke straight away and then respond as if they think he is real. Other people "get" the joke and think that makes them intelligent. They then get a bit cross that someone has tried to "trick" them and sniffily complain that it's not a very good parody: "I saw through it straight away - it's obvious he wouldn't know how to spell 'eventual'. I've seen much better parodies!" My response is usually not to respond. I write Jamie4U 4 me. And I try to make it obvious it's not real as I'd hate for anyone to be really suckered by him. I guess they've missed the point if they think I was out to trick them.

For some reason, a lot of Alistair Appleton fans got very offended when Jamie4U claimed that their beloved Alistair was 47 (he was born in 1970). Outraged Alistair-lovers leapt to his defence, pointing out Jamie's poor ability at arithmetic: "Time to go back to school and take math AGAIN!", "Glad to see basic arithmetic is still alive and kicking - not! Who is this idiot?", "Wow, can you not do math? If he was born 1970 that would make him 37. Ten years is a big difference on how a person looks. WOW", "Born in 1970? This is 2007. Yeah, ok... that makes him 47.", "He is 37... He was born in 1970, not 1960." I found it slightly worrying that these posters all felt the need to state exactly the same point as the one before them. But maybe they were "in" on the joke. I hope so. Maybe they hoped that Alistair would somehow read their passionate defence and fall in love with them, whisking them off on one of his "worthy" holidays in some cultural capital or third world paradise where they could have Buddhist sex, watch interpretative dance and write poems to each other. (My meanness surprises myself sometimes.)

Anyway, back to the person who left 14 comments. They made me laugh, as they indicate the reader's gradually worsening state of mind towards poor Jamie. They start off almost supportive, but end up spitting bile and vemon everywhere. Whoever you are, I really hope you realised he was made up.

1. I was not overly impressed by Appleton's looks or his website. After the descriptions, I expected him to be amazing. First time I have ever heard of him. I suppose he is kindof cute.

2. I hope you don't die from AIDS or something with all of the "shagging" you describe. You like to say you are so picky about the looks of your partners, but I wonder how you will look in 10 years with the way you are treating your body -- with multiple partners, smoking, drugs, and thinking everything is funny. I hope you are not one of those depressed people who has to make a huge build-up of the little stupid things to have just a little joy in your life.

3. I would watch Big Brother to see you, because you are funny. I find it hard to believe that you're "straight-acting," because you sound gay just from the word choice in your posting. I think that your boss did the right thing to separate you from Debbie, from the perspective of the employer. You probably play around whenever you are together. You're young. One day, you will get serious.

4. Brian should be pissed off. I hope he did have the common sense to leave you FOREVER.

5. Good grief! Can we get more melodramatic!

6. Hilarious! I think you asked for it, based on the description of the people you chose to hang with. I'm sure the druggies thought they were not doing anything really wrong and were having a good laugh. They just gave you some of the drugs they do. After reading some of your other postings about the fun you had with Ms. Thang and her friends, you should have seen it coming. What about the prank you played on your friend. Was it Keith? Don't remember, but as they say, "Don't dish it out if you can't take it." What do you expect from hanging out with druggies and being so careless with your lifestyle? The diseases you are in danger of getting are much worse than a bald spot and lost credit cards.

7. Disguisting!

Tim's version really puts things into perspective. Hilarious! It is interesting to find out that you are really in your late 20's, at least. Poor Brian. I read your older postings first. I thought he had dumped you. I hope he eventually begins to work on his self-esteem and start moving up in the world.

9. Is Tim "posh" or is he really just normal... average. If he is really just normal and average, what does this make you? Are you a kid, who needs to grow up, or are you that unsophisticated?

10. Jamie, I am thinking more and more that you are an asshole. Just because you are flaming flamboyant doesn't mean that other people want to be the center of attention too. You are so concerned about the closet that you say stupid things and make good gay people look bad.
In some of your postings you refer to yourself as "straight-acting," but I don't get it. Is that term supposed to be in your postings as a joke? Who cares if someone is in the closet. If they are not hurting anyone, let them deal with it on their own. Heaven forbid you be supportive. You can consider yourself lucky that he didn't get so angry as to kill you and then himself. Have you heard of people doing that when they are so upset that they reach a breaking point? He trusted you and thought he had a good thing going and you betrayed him. What a jerk!

11. you can claim that brian was abusive, but have you ever heard of emotional abuse. It is apparent all over all of your postings that you don't seem to care at all about his feelings. it is hard to feel sorry for you. you have probably left scars all over him, and he probably dumped you. do you really thinkk anyone feels sorry for you?

12. Coin shag. I don't feel sorry for Jamie. And I think it was Brian's home anyway. Jamie is a freeloading punk. An overaged, lying, wannabe brat. Waa Waa. And build up some muscle, skinny boy.

13. You're an idiot!

14. Jamie4U is a bitch.


Tom SF said...


It is 'TOM' you moronic imbecilic lunatic.

I think he got my name from 'Stevie'.

I hope he sticks around and posts some more.

Sparky said...

Wait...Jamie4U is FAKE!? Damn you, Internet: I've been had again.

mike said...

I remember Jamie4U when all he had was a home page.

And I *still* think he auditioned as "Warren" for The X Factor...

Shampaynes Plaice said...

What do you mean Jamie isnt reel? Fuck those doubters!

matty said...

Wait. You mean Jamie isn't real?

...I've been in love with a fictional character all this time?!?!

Lubin, that was kind of mean.

I'm sobbing right now.

Where will I funnel my love now? What remains after this fall?

Old Cheeser said...

I think your Jamie 4 U blog is brilliant - a startingly accurate portrayal of a certain type of gay man. And yes there are plenty of Jamies out there - usually down G.A.Y. wearing cropped tops and dancing to Steps.

That's hilarious that some people actually think Jamie is real - and that guy has gone seriously OTT with his responses. Still, it just shows what a convincing character Jamie must be and how good a writer you are, Lubin!

I myself have responded with a few anti-Jamie comments but that's just me being ironic and entering into the spirit of things of course. That guy who sent you all the responses obviously has no concept or understanding of the term "irony".

I've thought about doing my own alternative blog too - it must be such fun assuming the identity of a fictional character - there are no limits to what they can do and say. (Well, some limits I guess in this age of political correctness).

Viva Jamie!!

Rob7534 said...

As much as I love Jaime4u, I think I enjoy his merry band of misfit friends even more. I'm hurt you didn't quote from my comment on your Appleton post.

Lubin said...

You are all far too kind to me.

Sorry for not quoting you Rob. Rob's comment was "How DARE you leave that VILE message on Alistair's Guestbook. He is MINE!! Get your paws on somebody else. Don't you dare post another of his pics either!! Like he'd be "slumming" it with YOU, as IF!! Nice blog though, I guess I'll read it for a while, until I get BORED. You should update often!!"

I think that is the most insightful and thoughtful comment I have ever received.