Sunday, September 24, 2006

Who's Afraid of Janice Dickinson's Model Agency?

Over on Living TV (the channel dedicated to gay men and their fag hags), Janice Dickinson's model agency kicks off - a show designed to send teenage girls of all ages and sexes, running to the bathroom to vomit up their dinners, convinced they have an eating disorder. And you'll probably vomit even if the show doesn't give you an eating disorder - it's car-crash tv at its most hypnotic.

Janice is like a plastic-surgery dehanced Susie Essman from Curb Your Enthusiasm, the psychotic harpy shrew-bag whose social skills consist of shrieking insults, "Ya four eyed fuck!" being a particular favourite. Fired from America's Next Top Model, Janice has now started her own model agency. She used to be beautiful. But that was back in the days when Andy Warhol and Studio 54 were going strong. Now she's well into her 50s, and, refusing to age gracefully, has been transformed into a kind of Dr Seuss Bat in The Hat - the skin stretched so completely across her face, then botoxed up and out, that she is almost unable to blink, drink or think. She staggers around, looking like a frail little old lady dressed up as a drag queen - because that's exactly what she is. It's horrible.

But what's most horrific, is the way that Janice and her equally mongolicious team of (fat) experts and (ugly) stylists prod, pull, scribble on (literally), insult, bully and bitch at the fresh-faced youngsters who have been picked from obscurity in order to serve as foils for the most Dead-Eyed of LA. In today's episode, Janice gets them all to strip off, so they can have sad face stickers put on the bits of their bodies that "need work" - the principle seems to be - if you can't see bone jutting out, then it doesn't get a happy face.

I'm no prude, but I wondered how many parents of young children enjoyed seeing Sorin Mihalache strip off and parade his bulb-like bare ass around Janice's offices, while Janice screamed "He is PACKING it!" (The show went out on a Sunday afternoon.)

It isn't very pretty.


DazPaz said...

Janice may be a bit of a harpy - but look what happened when Miss Tyra replaced her on ANTM with Twiggy - yawn.

Lubin said...

I just thought of a great title for the picture above "America's Next Bottom Model". Geddit? Oh suit yourselves.