Thursday, September 14, 2006

Flying is fun

My flight back to the UK took forever and that was without delays. Vancouver-London is a long flight anyway, but the plane touched down in Calgary to take some more passengers, adding on 2 hours, and then when I got to London, there was a 3 and a half hour coach ride back to Bristol. It was not the most comfortable plane, I am 6 feet 1, and was crammed into a seat where it was literally impossible for me to do the "suggested leg exercises" shown on the tv monitors. Everyone immediately around me gradually encroached on my space further. The man next to me monopolised the arm rest. The woman in front of me pushed back her seat so it was in my face. And when I tried to push back my seat, the woman behind me actually pushed my chair forwards again. This went on for a bit until she demanded that I put my seat upright.

So by the time the plane touched down, I was not in my usual loving, giving mood and started to feel hatred towards most of the passengers. Like the people who SCREAMED and CLAPPED with raccous laughter at the infantile hidden camera comedy clip show that was on the monitors. It was like someone had said "Whoever laughs loudest and in the most weird an annoying way will get this extra piece of flan!" A woman near me kept saying "that's funny!" in an old-lady/little-girl Edith Massey voice after every lame gag. Her long-suffering husband didn't speak to her once for the whole 10 hour flight. I also hated the buffoons who APPLAUDED THE PILOT on THREE SEPARATE OCCASIONS as the plane began its touch-down. Why clap? He probably can't hear you. And it's mainly done with computers anyway.

I hated the two Paris Hilton-alikes, blonde, spoiled girls in their 20s who got out their COLOURING BOOKS and FELT TIP PENS and started to colour in pictures of UNICORNS and PRINCESSES. Sheesh! And I hated the ultra-confident macho guy who stood next to me at baggage collection and boasted to some secondary friend that he'd picked up these three girls on the plane and was going to take them for drinks "One's hot, one's not so hot - you can have her - you'll have to take one for the team!" Unsurprsingly, he had the biggest luggage you've ever seen. I hate people with enormous suitcases. Seriously - I do. The smaller the person's brain (or body), the larger their suitcase seems to be.

So I realised that the flight had made me somewhat grouchy, and I apologise for all the withering glances I made to people on flight TS320. I'm sure you're all nice people really.

5 comments:

The Mule said...

Three things:
1. Flying does that to me too.
2. Don't tell me they were showing "Just For Laughs Gags" on the plane. Lamest excuse for a television programme ever.
3. Where do you stay when you're in Vancouver?

KAZ said...

You described this so well. I haven't done long haul, but just flying to Europe makes me despair of my fellow humans.
The only exception was a small boy sitting next to me who played with 'Fuzzy Felt' in silence for the whole journey.
Aaah.

Lubin said...

Yes, it was Just for Laughs Gags. There should have been a warning "You must have a mental age of 4 to enjoy this show".

I stay with a friend in Vancouver when I visit. I don't know the name of the area, but it's between downtown and the airport. He says it's not a great area but the houses are all massive (compared to the UK).

Kaz - oh I love Fuzzy Felt. I still have one!

jetpack said...

I met someone once who worked in a fuzzy felt factory - with Howard Jones!

Tom SF said...

What is fuzzy felt?

I was going to say something, but as everybody has slammed 'Just For Laughs' I will now be quiet.