Friday, March 17, 2006

An Open and Shut Case




The Jodie Marsh's Big Brother suitcase ebay debacle is over. And it's been an INSANE soap opera. I've been so worried about whether or not it would sell. You see, with Jodie, you get sucked into her world very quickly. It's so hard not to care. She's like a scab you know you shouldn't pick, but can't leave alone.

The short version is here. Or read the 1000+ messages on Digital Spy. The suitcase ad was firstly removed by ebay after the seller (Jodie's brother? Jodie? Someone else?) included a link to Jodie's site. However, it was re-advertised and soon began to attract a number of buyers with 0 feedback transactions and increasingly bizarre names. Despite this, over at Jodie's blog, she remained characteristically confident: Ooooooh, exciting news. My Big Brother suitcase which is on Ebay at the moment is doing well. The bidding has gone up to one and a half grand. Sweet. That'll buy Jord a few days of precious studio time. There are a few people trying to out-bid each other on it. I just hope it goes to a good home ;) On a serious note though, if whoever wins it adds a grand to the winning sale price, I'll personally deliver it (as long as they don't live too far away and if they do, then we can meet half way).

For a while it looked like primary_essex_lad was going to win, but he was soon outbid by marshy012, prompting suspicions that Jodie was bidding against herself (or more likely, an anti-fan was trying to spoil it all with a little shill bidding). Digital Spy users also suspected that the mysterious bidder eboni001 was also Jodi - she had an ebay history of purchasing/selling wedding dresses in different sizes along with a book on pregnancy, Jordan's autobiography and various pregnancy testing kits. How to piece the clues together? Could this relate to the period when Jodie found out she was pregnant with Fran Cosgrave's baby and may have planned to marry him? (It ended in an abortion and a break-up incidentally). Despite all this, eboni001 was out of the picture early on.

Then the bidders started to get more and more odd-sounding, their names appearing like evil signifers from Jodie's past. We had spaniel_ears - which is an often-cited cruel description of the shape of Jodie's breasts (cos they're natural, not plastic balloons like Jordan's). Then it was someone claiming to be ex-boyfriend fran_cosgrave (he of the shitty underwear). But the bad taste prize goes to whoever invented the ebay id kym_baynard - a name almost identical to that of Jodie's friend who was murdered. Do ghosts come back to bid on ebay? I doubt it. The bidders who did appear slightly more genuine had a history of rather bizarre and abusive negative feedback exchanges, my favorite being this from sharni07 who actually might be a real person (with dyslexia): "This guy Can't read so sent me abuse even After I refunded him the 99p. Looser."

With unstable Sharni07 being Jodi's best bet for a sale, you'd think she'd be glum. But her latest blog entry still remained cheerful P.P.S The suitcase is doing well on ebay. Or so my friend who's auctioning it tells me anyway. I think tonight was the last night for bids. I'm not sure who got it but my mate said it might be a guy who is willing to pay an extra grand for me to deliver it to him. Turns out the guy lives right near some friends of mine, so I can pay them a visit at the same time, if I do decide to go. Don't you just love it when things turn out good?!

The auction ended this evening, and of course ALL of the bids had been retracted. Even sharni07. Even dead kym_baynard. Maybe Jodi could put a postcard in the window of her local PoundStretcher. Or maybe she should just burn the bloody thing in her garden. If she advertises it on ebay again I don't think I have the strength to follow it.

7 comments:

Lost Boy said...

Thank you for my first belly laugh of the morning- nay- the week. Oh poor Jodie. She really is that original, oft-quoted 'emotional rollercoaster' isn't she?

codenameLizzy said...

Ohmigod!!!
I love your work.
xx

Dicky Entrails said...

Great fun, and I'm sure that your readers would love to know that sharni withdrew her bid for the eerily precise amount of £6,627.57 because she had won another auction and no longer had the money.
eBay records had her winning 1 auction in the preceding month, a 60p Barry Manilow video.

Lubin said...

If you want to look at Sharni's Myspace site (prepare for your eyes and ears to be assaulted - it might be the most bad taste site ever created) then hold on to something tight, lock the doors and windows, tell a friend in advance and go (if you DARE) to http://myspace.com/sarahsharni

Lubin said...

Also, the insanity continues with ANOTHER failed ebay sale of Jodie's goody bags. Fake bidders include our old friends (dead) kym_baynard and fran_cosgrove again, as well as some new crazy-faces: kenzie_friday_hill, calum_best (more of her exes) and colubus_money_coat (the infamous "gorilla coat" worn by Pete Best on Celebrity Big Brother, which you could say, kicked off a lot of the current bout of Jodie madness.)

Dessie said...

roflmao.

I can't believe you tracked this bag. I laughed so damn hard at that post. Lubin, I officially love you.

Dicky Entrails said...

It's back! I can scarcely believe it, but she's relisted the thing: Jodie Marsh's Suitcase but for MORE money!