Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Never been to Paradise, Never been to Me

It looks like super-chav Shampayne has been reicarnated as a repressed, middle-class housewife from Quorn in Leicestershire. Elaine, from "A Sorry Existence" is slowly going insane due to sexual frustration and boredom. She's not real but I wish she was. There's a very prim, snobbish WI aspect to her - she worries that newcomers to her village will make judgements based on people's curtains, sneers at Poundstretcher and prints up recipes diligently. When her PC isn't in use she places a tea-towel over it. But during darker moments she surfs the internet looking at harcore porn sites. However, this is all filtered through a slightly disapproving commentary "You should have seen her website, she was doing all sorts of things to herself - and quite how she hasn't ripped her uterus away with those talons on the end of her fingers I will never know." Will she have some sort of dramatic epiphany, or will she slowly spiral into madness? Maybe she should get herself a few copies of Handbag! magazine that I used to write, intended for women exactly like her.

2 comments:

Trashbinder said...

I think Elaine just needs a good shafting really.

Sandrha said...

I take issue, firstly, with you Mr Odana. Elaine McVey is most definitely real.

Secondly, I take issue with you 'trashbinder'. Kindly take your bad manners and stop passing comment on my good friend.

Elaine's love-life is none of your business!