Saturday, October 01, 2005

Life Swap

I did my first commute back up to Lancaster last week. Despite living in Bristol now, I still have a job lecturing in Lancaster, so am staying 2-3 nights in student accomodation. At least I get to have my own bathroom.

After several weeks away, it was very weird being back in Lancaster - I sort of felt like I shouldn't be there - familiar places, like driving past my old house, seemed unwelcoming and alien. When I got off the train there was a clap of thunder and a flash of lightening. Just as well I don't believe in omens. It then started to pour with rain and my hands instantly felt cold. I hadn't realised how cold the northwest is in comparison to the sourthwest where it is still relatively warm.

It took ages to locate my little student room and get the keys for it. The porter was nowhere to be found, and I ended up wandering round dark corridors for ages. Finally I found a room with a light on and went in. There was a single old man in there. "I know why you're here," he said. "You're looking for the Graduate Christian Fellowship aren't you." I felt like snapping "Do I look like a Christian?" but feared the answer. So I just said "No." "Oh well," he said. "Have some good news!" And then he thrust a religious pamphlet at me. I fled at this point (I'm ashamed to say that I also took the pamphlet.)

My room, when I eventually found it, is small and spartan (I am used to lots of home comforts, obscene amounts of space and luxury - I feel like I've wandered into a bad episode of Wife Swap.. "How will high-maintenance Lubin cope when he has to live the life of an impoverished student? Let's find out."). The room is also overheated (lots of students from tropical climates live in the building) and the bedsheets have been washed in my pet hate - fabric softener, which my skin can't tolerate. Worst of all, the walls and floors are very thin and the students seem to sleep all day and then participate in what sounds like line-dancing in their rooms all night. I have a strong suspicion that the girl in the room directly below me has smuggled a horse into the building because every time she goes to the toilet I can hear everything, and surely no human being could produce such a strong, lasting and loud torrent of wee? There is also a communal kitchen, but I was in no mood to meet my fellow hallmates, so have stayed out of it.

My friend Damian is finding all this incredibly amusing and keeps sending me text messages asking if I've put up posters from Smash Hits on the walls with blue tac yet, like a proper student. Hmm, I wonder where I can get posters of Wet Wet Wet and The Bangles from?

4 comments:

jon said...

After we paid for our kids bsa summer camp we found it tough to recover! I totally agree with you!

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Lubin said...

Noooo. Both of the above comments were made by evil fake blog-readers who are just advertising their stupid products. Don't follow those links. Boycott their products! It's sick and wrong.

Groc said...

but they seem so weirdly appropiate...