Sunday, September 18, 2005

Bye Bye Janelle (and thanks for all the bitches).

This Summer I have been mostly addicted to Big Brother 6 US, an 11-week long game of human chess, more complicated and addictive than anything else on tv. This year's game was a house divided, with contestants quickly taking sides and hating each other's guts. Every week the Head of Household contest would swing between each side, making this the most dramatic, tense and often painful Big Brother to watch, ever.

On one side were the "Sovereign Six": handsome Iraqi Kaysar, ingenue Sarah, power-strategist James, Jedi-obsessed Howie, sensible horse-breeder Rachel and fun, vampish Janelle - a blonde bombshell who, on entering the house, knocked over a topiary and started a fight with another contestant (roid rage firefighter Eric) within seconds. She then got into a relationship with one of the other contestants, and then told her current boyfriend (via the tv show) that he was dumped. Hated by most of the other (less attractive) females in the house (who were quickly labelled the "girl scout troop" and more cruelly "the nerd herd"), Janelle managed to kick ass in the game, somehow suriving to the final week and winning over most of the men in the house. Behind the platinum hair extensions and big breasts was a very cunning brain. My favourite Janelle moment came about halfway through the series, when the nerd herd played dirty and evicted her friend Kaysar. Realising that there was no point in being the nice girl any more, she got drunk and then started hurling abuse at the house: "Maggie, you're such a bitch!" and calling April and Beau "Gold digging Whores!" She then spectaularily went on to win the next Head of Household competition and screamed "Give me that key bitch!", "Pack your bags bitches!" and best of all "Bye Bye Bitches!" to the stunned nerd herd. Best of all, America also fell in love with Janelle (she stands highest in the popularity polls at and she won the two "America's choice" contests, receiving a day trip to a tv show and a phone call from a loved one, sending the pious nerd herd into a psychotic tailspin as they realised that all the viewers hate their guts.

Unfortunately though, the odds were stacked against Janelle and, despite making the final three, she was evicted last night. The grand prize will be won by one of the two remaining nerd herders - two rather dour ladies called Ivette and Maggie. Hopefully though, Janelle will make much much more money once she leaves the show as the offers start pouring in. The nerd herd, meanwhile, will have to go into hiding.

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