Friday, May 20, 2005

I'm in the middle of a somewhat hectic time so here's the condensed version:

Celebrity Love Island - horrible, wrong and embarrassing to watch.

Playing it Straight - Ahhh, happy ending. All was revealed. Can we go home now?

Stalking Pete Doherty - so channel 4 - Max Carlish, an unglamorous, bipolar disorder Alan Partridgeseqe media studies college lecturer becomes obsessed with Pete Doherty (of the Libertines - a band I had fortunately never heard of before this which happily establishes my non-credentials thank goodness). Doherty represents everything that Max wants to be - cool, adored, sexy, boyfriend of Kate Moss etc. Doherty is also a heroin user - a walking rock cliche in other words. Desperate to gain access to Doherty, Carlish allows Doherty and his band to ridicule him, playing court jester for their amusement. (Doherty actually reveals himself to be a bit dull also - making fun of Carlish's weight with a joke about a speak-your-weight machine saying "one at a time please" which I think I last read in Whizzer and Chips comic circa 1982.) Eventually though, Doherty tires of Carlish and banishes him from his "inner circle". A spurned Carlish gets his revenge (and a wad of cash) by selling pictures of Doherty using heroin to a tabloid newspaper. An enusing meeting between the two ends with Carlish claiming to have been punched in the face by Doherty. That's only the briefest summary and goes nowhere near describing how bizarre, funny and awful this documentary about a documentary turned out to be. Best bit - Carlish, filming himself, with a tie wrapped round his head like a rock head-band chanting "Max Carlish on Pete Doherty in Kate Moss" over and over. Or him freaking out at a Libertines concert that gets a bit out of hand: "Thousands of pounds of damage could be caused here!" Or Carlish verbally attacking one of his own "entourage" when he fails to gain them access to Doherty. Knowing Channel 4 - they will probably decide to give Carlish a million pounds and his own show - called "Max Carlish Stalks..." where each week he could fall in love with a different fucked-up celebrity - Orville the Duck, a member of the IRA, Mr Gay UK, Rose West, Liza Minelli etc.

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