Sunday, April 17, 2005

10 men who go to my gym:

1. The box. I call him this because he looks so very square. I saw him putting up some "Vote Conservative" signs yesterday in a field. Quelle surprise.

2. The best-looking man in the gym. And I almost killed him once by taking too much weight off one of the barbells, sending it all crashing to floor right where he was lying. He (understandably) looked furious, so I asked if he'd like to punch me in the face. Thankfully, he forgave me.

3. The orange builder. There are a gang of them who all go on the sunbeds a bit too much. I suppose some people would label them chavs, but they're actually quite nice to talk to.

4. The closet case. He never speaks to anyone, is often seen with girls around town and gives everyone furtive looks. But my Database can reveal that he cruises for sex on various gay websites.

5. The bored old queen. He sits in the sauna and talks about how much money she has, how many "famous" people he knows and how bored she is. Once she slipped her phone number into my gym bag. I didn't call him up.

6. The hulk. He has an (almost) obscene amount of muscles and an unfortunate shaggy/mullet hairstyle. He lives to power-lift and he's *always* there when I go. I think he has no home to go to.

7. The tart. He's had all the gay men in a 20 mile radius, and now has to face the indignity of being surrounded by an army of exes and one-night-stands whenever he goes to the gym. Still, it doesn't actually bother him.

8. The mtf transsexual. I haven't seen her for a while. Incredibly tall and a bit scary, everyone'd be nice to her face, but as soon as she left they'd exchange significant glances and cough...

9. The boring straight bodybuilder. There are actually dozens of them. They go around in packs, their conversation never deviating from: cars, computers, sport, drinking or women. Always painfully aware of their place in the pecking-order, they struggle and jostle for position.

10. The man with one leg. He leaves the plastic one lying up against the wall in the changing room. And thankfully nobody ever steals it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

this is very funny and so true - i luv reading your site - it always makes me laugh my head off :)

Cheers - Grant (Sydney, Australia)