Just back from a conference in Washington DC (being an academic is occasionally glamorous). I love going to America because they really know how to do trash. Here are some things I uncovered while there:
Survivor All-stars.
Previous "cast" members of cruealty-tv show Survivor return for another chance to win the million dollars. Nice to know that the winner from series 1, Richard Hatch has put all that weight back on.
The Butterfly Effect
Designed/destined to be a
cult film in about 10 years time - man-of-the-moment Ashton Kutcher plays a confused young man who finds out he can go back in time at key points in his life to change his own history (as you do). Although, shock! Whenever he tries to make things better, they just end up worse than before. The first half hour is horribly horribly bleak - e.g. there's a paedophile daddy in the cellar with a video camera, and Ashton's dog gets put in a sack and thrown on the fire. However, all it gets interesting when he starts messing with the timeline. Who knew that choosing whether or not to make the odd confrontational speech as a child will determine your future social class, girlfriend and chioce of clothing? Kind of clever and dumb at the same time. Kind of like Donnie Darko for normal people.
Branded: The Buying and Selling of Teenagers
I read this on the plane and it was good. My favourite chapter in it was about teen movies. The author compares the movies of the 1980s, which she now views as a kind of "Golden Age" - where outsiders, rebels and dorks got to be the heroes (The Breakfast Club and Heathers represent a kind of apotheosis of this theory), whereas since the mid-1990s the stars of all movies have had to be what she calls "influencers" - ergo, popular smiley jocks with shiny hair, lots of money and fashion-sense. It's not only OK to be a cheerleader, it's essential. Think Bring It On and Clueless. I want to be an influencer!
The L Word
Los Angelesian new soap opera featuring a cast of thin, femme, middle-class, beautiful lesbians who are all super friends and support one another through the travails of coming out, artificial insemination and much more! It's actually not as annoying as it sounds - and it's a lot more subtle and interesting than Queer As Folk which I can't stand in either its British or American translations. I watched about 5 episodes of the L word back-to-back and fell asleep. Now I want to be a lesbian.
Other things about being in America.... American customs are now seriously out of control - I hadn't bothered to pack a suitcase as I was only going for 5 days and didn't need a load of shirts. That clearly marked me out as deviant and I was ushered to one side and questioned in an aggressive manner. "Where is your suitcase? Why don't you have one? Who are you? Show me your itinary! Show me a letter inviting you to this 'conference'!" I've never been made to feel like a cross between a terrorist and a scrounging economic asylum seeker who's intending to abscond the minute they set foot in the U.S. but that's how they made me feel - and me! A middle-class professional with a title and three books to his name. I know there are security alerts but a little bit of politeness at security goes a long way!
Everyone now seems to be obsessed with the issue of gay marriage in America. There were 3 conference sessions about it. It was everywhere in the papers, both mainstream and gay. At the same time, I counted more casual/clusmy homophobia in the American media than ever before. Also as it was Valentines Day, there were loads of cheesy adverts where the viewer was positioned as a heterosexual man and told to "buy her chocolates this Valentines Day. Women love chocolates." (The Atkins diet seems to be as all-pervasive in the U.S. as it is in the U.K. at the moment. Possibly moreso.) Also, there were lots of adverts that began "This President's Day make sure that you...." I love how American adverts do that.
I always find it weird and scary how many times I walk past people on the streets and they're mumbling or talking to themselves. One of these people asked me if I'd give him a hundred dollars. I declined politely and then ducked into the nearest shop just to escape him.
In terms of the "gay world" I think there are now 3 Americas - 1) the closeted backwards/woods one, full of self-loathing, tea-room cruising and repressed internalised homophobia, 2) the fun "gay" one - characterised by a total embracement of the commercial gay scenes, rainbow flags, a huge party circuit, drugs, clubs, pecs, sex, fashion and Carson Kressley. 3) a highly political "queer" one - with radical drag, demonstrations, piercings, subversion, superiority and rejection of "gay" values. Thinking back to myself, I don't think I fit in anywhere anymore.
Coming back to the UK, I was lucky enough to see the first episode of Season 3 of Footballers Wives (thanks to Tivo). And this time they have got it exactly right. The boring characters have all been written out, new louche characters have been written in and this episode was possibly the most perfect 90 minutes of television ever made. A kind of trash high. There were so many moments in it that I simply can't list them all - but they included: new character Conrad excited at being fucked with a strap-on by his wife Amber - Amber's dog getting eaten at her swanky party as part of the Triad's revenge. Ultra-bitch Tanya attending a funeral and her own wedding in the same clothes - and reciting Robbie Williams as part of the eulogy. Poor Chardonnay has died of anorexia, off-screen and between seasons, without warning. Her coffin had her name written in huge letters - in the same font that Cadburys use. This is almost too much irony for me to bear. There's a lot of commentary on social class going on in Footballers Wives, but that'll have to wait for another time.
