Friday, January 09, 2004

Death to the magazine!

It's nice to see Victoria Wood (one of the 15 patron saints of British gay men) back on prime time tv again. She managed to take a serious topic (the very zeitgeist moral panic of obesity and weight loss) and mix it up with her own brand of humour, with a few celeb interviews and snappy voiceovers.

After finding out from my personal trainer that I have 12% more body fat than the average man of my age (and everyone says I'm skinny), the issue of fat loss is at the forefront of my mind, so this programme was a sensible kick in the pants. One of the things Victoria takes umbrage with is HEAT magazine - which regularly publishes unflattering pictures of celebrities, with mocking captions. HEAT magazine is like that nasty girl you went to school with - the one who always has all the best gossip, the one who spreads rumours about other girls being a slag, and the one who dicates who's going to be sent to coventry that week - at a whim. Everyone's always nice to her because they're scared if they're not, they'll be next. Well maybe it's about time the British public got over their infatuation with HEAT and saw it for what it is - at best silly childish rubbish with as much relevance to the average person as a conversation between two 8 year old girls waiting in a queue for the slide, and at worst vicious propaganda designed to lower self esteem and perpetuate pointless spending and vanity.

The headline here reads - Oh my God. Cameron Diaz has got spots.

In fact, I've yet to find a "magazine" which has ever had anything else to offer me other than telling me to buy stuff, making me feel inadequate because my pores are too big, I don't have a six-pack, my hair isn't fashionable enough and I'm not living in some loft in a trendy part of London. Actually, the only magazines which do have anything to offer are those which are straightforwardly porn - at least they're not pretending to be anything else, we all know what the game is and the models are somehow a hundred times noble and more honest because they're simply selling sex rather than using sex to sell some useless bit of crap that I don't need. Oh dear, I'm coming over all burn your jockstrap again.

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