Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Hate it! #1 Rude Chocolate

SEE! "The ultimate novelty experience" at I love chocolate. And let's face it, I love willies as well (as I'm sure do most of the regular readers of this site - yes, all 3 of them). But choclocate willies? No. No. No. I paid a trip to the gay themed shop Clone Zone to buy an "item" last week and was mortified to see various rude chocolates on sale - as well as willies there were after-dinner nipples. Now what sort of dinner party would you have chocolate nipples at? Can you just imagine how "hilarious" and "camp" it would be if your host produced these? Wouldn't you be making your excuses and leaving early? There is a place for humour in sex, but it shouldn't be reduced to such a purile "Oh isn't this naughty!" school-yard level. (The Cadburys Flake advert is at the borderline of subtlety for such things and should be used as a benchmark). As far as I'm concerned, anyone who's ever eaten a rude chocolate has demonstrated a deep sexual immaturity and should herewith have their ability to give informed consent to having sex removed from them. So there.

Hate it! #2 Themed Monopoly Sets

It once was the case that there was only one Monopoly game - it had Old Kent Road as the trashy common street, where residents no doubt had to keep a house brick on their kitchen tables, and Mayfair as the posh street - where you would dread landing on if someone else had one of those cute little red hotels on it. I used to love playing monopoly as a child - games that seemed to stretch on all night (my father who is an incorrigble Type A personality introduced me to the game when I was 5. He always played to win, even with very young children.) I still remember the excitement of holding "The Angel Islington" in my hands - the first property I ever bought.

But a few years ago all that changed and someone had the bright idea of making themed Monopoly sets. So if I wanted to I can buy one based round my home town of Lancashire - instead of Mayfair we have Lancaster Castle. Or even worse, you can buy The Simpsons as Monolopy. At other special editions include Disney, Star Wars Episode 2, Coronation Street, FA Premier League and Pokemon. Arrrgh! Why spoil something that was already good? Why flog a dead horse? It pains me for future generations terms like The Strand and Whitechapel will no longer have the same significance.

Fabulous Ebay purchase -

The Miss World Board Game Yes, you too can compete to become a beauty queen in this politically correct outrage from the 1970s. Experience all of the dizzy outrage, backstabbing and false sentiment as you claw your way to the top. This game needs a reissue now!

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