Friday, May 16, 2003

Zbornak put me onto the sheer brilliance of Britian's newest TV channel - Friendly TV. I tuned in to see what all of the fuss was all about and was awful glad I did.

The presenters look as if they were "discovered" waiting at a bus stop on a rough council estate somewhere in South London. They act as if they're making a "pretend" tv programme like me and my sister used to do when we were aged 9 and 5 respectively. I'm not sure what the point of the channel is, but it seems to combine a multiple choice quiz where viewers phone in their answers to win prizes, with the constant inane babble of the presenters.

Richard and Haley were this evening's cuh-razy presenters, and I already wish they were my best friends. I've decided I'm not going to stalk the Krankies anymore (sorry Krankies) but stalk Rich' and Hale' instead. Richard is disarmingly "camp", while Haley acts as the "straight man". They are the poor man's "Gimme Gimme Gimme". Here's a sample of their banter:

Richard: "What time is it now?"
Haley: "I don't know darling, it's five to eleven... I keep spitting, it's disgusting! Why do I keep spitting... I'm fucking spitting all over the floor!"
Richard: "Watch ya language gel. Put that in your gob!"
Haley: "I totally apologise to everyone. I'm a bit woo-hoo. I'd love to meet Kathy Burke on a serious note."
Richard: "Hi Ryan. Here's a kiss from me!"

It's a wonderful mishmash of non-sequiters, "hello mum" commentary and wonderfully banal babble. It's the ultimate reality tv. Haley often asks the producer for a "wide shot", and when the programme finished, the sound was cut, but we could still see the presenters as they got up, shook hands, and started wandering round the set. In a few months, if it survives, it will have shed its current presenters (or forced them to be professional) and lost its amatuerishness. And I will be devastated. In the meantime, I'm going to get as many regular fixes as I can.

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