Thursday, May 15, 2003

Who are the spammers?

Every day, sometimes every minute of every day, I receive pointless, stupid spam, that nobody in their right mind would reply to. Bogus bank account transfer schemes from Africa, large breasts in Tennessee, Viagara from Australia... Who are the people who are sending these messages? What do they look like? Where do they live? What do their houses look like? What are they wearing? What films do they watch?

I imagine that my Ideal Spam Man is called Keith. He's never really amounted to anything much, but always has a "get rich quick" idea going on. He's had lots of jobs and considers himself a "people person", he's probably been to the "university of life", considers people like Richard Branson to be his hero, believes in "free enterprise" and "market forces" without really understanding what they mean. He's into all the latest fashions and calls his girlfriend "babe". His mobile phone's always going off, and he always answers it, no matter who he's with. It's got one of those annoying ring tones as well, and he speaks loudly and confidentally into it. He loves holidays in Florida, local radio and McDonalds food. And he probably has a small penis.

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