Thursday, April 24, 2003



The Sims, which I've recently become addicted to all over again after buying Hot Date (the girl who served me in HMV smiled knowingly), is about to get yet another add-on. This one is called Sims Superstar and is an appropriate addition in our silly fame-obsessed culture. According to the blurb "Players can now realize their fantasies of fame and fortune as they pursue the dream of being a Rock Star, Movie Star or a Supermodel and live the lifestyle of a celebrity." With new objects, like the movie set, the catwalk and the obsessed fan, it all looks very hyper-real. My PC can only just about cope with the Hot Date add-on, so can only imagine what Superstar will be like. I hope there'll be the option to let you Sim become a bulimic binger, a reculsive alcoholic in a blonde wig, a child-abusing bitch from hell and a closeted gay man with a porn-star past and a string of aspiring actress "beards".

In fact, if the nice people at Maxis ever run out of ideas for Sims add-ons, here's my own, admittedly twisted list of possibilities:

Sims Cat-House: Build and maintain your own brothel. There's a host of new characters for your Sims to interact with, including Molly, the obliging madam, or Tina, Gina and Rina - the professional girls. With a whole new series of wallpapers and floors in leopard-print and fake gold, you can decorate your brothel to give it that gaudy, tawdry look that will have the punters coming back for more. And there's a new range of social activities that includes "spank", "lap-dance" and "strip-tease".

Sims Gay Bath-House: Spend time cruising the 10-man jacuzzi, check out the talent in the steam-room or get lost in the dark-room - now you can have all the fun of gay sex without having to worry about exchanging bodily fluids or being arrested (if you live in one of those funny backward countries which still have homophobic laws). Will your Sim be attractive enough to entice the "Hot Stud" into a private booth, or will he have to make do with the Fat Ugly Old Man Who No-one Else Wants? Will it all end in tears or an exchange of phone numbers?

Sims Ghetto: With an array of amusing new characters including the pimp, the crack-whore, the pregnant teenage mother, the street people and the drug cartel, you can engage in all of the fun of under-class voyerism with none of the risk to yourself! Recreate the "feel" of a rough neighbourhood, with drive-by shootings, syringes on the pavement and homeless people shouting abuse at random. Have a public slanging-match with the crazy old lady who has 18 cats or have sex in a back alley. New activities include "spit", "shoot-up" and "collapse from malnutrition" and "hold up a supermarket".

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