Saturday, January 18, 2003

Saw the Good Girl last night, which starred Jennifer Aniston playing a dowdy, put-upon, miserable mall-drone in a Texas chainstore called Rodeo Retail. Ms Aniston was good in it, showing she's more than capable of transcending the Rachel character from Friends. However, Zooey Deschanel, who played Cheryl got all the best lines. As another surly employee, she'd developed her own coping strategy which involved ambigously insulting the customers ("Fuck you very much"), particularly when making intercom announcements about special offers in a slow drawling voice, or perpetrating hideous free make-overs on startled female customers:

Attention, shoppers. There's a Retail Rodeo special on aisle 3. Liquid Drain Cleaner, 2 12-ounce cans for $5.00. Liquid Drain Cleaner has churning power and it will churn right through your pipes. Ladies, you need female plumbing. Shove something clean and new up your filthy pipes. That's Liquid Drain Cleaner on aisle 3. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Retail Rodeo.

Happy Halloween, Retail Rodeo shoppers. There's a Retail Rodeo special on all bulk candy on aisle 4. Ghouls and goblins, witches and warlocks, wandering these aisles day after day, I put a Halloween curse on your hellish heads.

However, my favourite exchange was:

Cheryl: Sit right down here, ma'am. We're going to make you pretty. Now how do you like your hair?
Big Haired Woman: What? Are you going to do my hair?
Cheryl: No, I just need to know if that's your usual way of wearing it, all big and high. If it is, I'll just put more makeup on your chin to offset it. You're going to want to take a whole bottle of this home with you. It's got quite a lot of ingredients in it, so you're getting a good deal. It's got ginkgo extract in it. Do you know what that is?
Big Haired Woman: No.
Cheryl: It's extract of the ginkgo, and it makes your skin real slick so that any liquid will roll right off you, be it water, or lemon juice, or urine. I'll put it in a bag for you.

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